How to Envision the Right Mate? 單身女生適用

For over 30 years, one aspect of my pastoral and marketplace ministry has been counseling families, teens, marriages and parents. Many of the problems in marriages and families begin before the beginning! In other words, the choices and decisions made before marriage are critical to the future joy and success of a marriage and family.

It's important to start right if one is to end right. Yes, God forgives and restores when we make mistakes, but why not be wise, righteous and holy from the starting blocks of the marathon race called married for life?

I have a golf shirt with an embroidered logo that reads, "Married for Life." I was wearing this shirt one day while shopping for groceries. As I went through the check out line, the single, 21 year-old cashier looked at my shirt and then me and exclaimed, "I'm so sorry for you!"

I was shocked. At first I wondered if I really looked that bad; however, my appearance wasn't the focus of her remark.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Oh, it's too bad that you're stuck for life," she sarcastically replied pointing to the logo on my shirt. "If you are in a bad marriage, you shouldn't have to be married for life. You should be happy in marriage. If not, get out!"

I've often thought about her remarks over the years. She represents a worldly mindset that sets people up for failure from the beginning. "The Starter Marriage and the Future of Matrimony," written by Pamela Paul in 2002, documents that many 20-something young couples actually look upon their first marriage as a practice start with no intention to vow or expect marriage to be "for long as we both shall live." Instead, like a starter home or apartment, they live "in it" for a while and get used to being married fully expecting to trade or move out and up one day in the future. In 21st century culture, divorce isn't a curse or tragedy, it's simply a transition from a good marriage gone sour into the exciting adventure of finding a new mate.

Give me a holy break, I say in return. Such a mindset will certainly lead to hurt, failure and habitual sin. Marriage isn't defined or prescribed by culture; it's ordained by God. Marriage is more than a good idea to be tried out and discarded if it doesn't work out to one's expectations. Marriage is God's idea from the beginning of time for oneness between a man and woman…and for generational blessings to children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and beyond.

Starting right in marriage requires us to envision the right mate before we ever meet him or her. What does that mean? How does that work? Let’s explore "envisioning the right mate" through a biblical, not worldly mindset. We are called to transform the culture and that requires us to acquire and then practice holy thoughts, feelings, beliefs, values and actions through "a renewed mind in Christ."

Envision a Godly Mate

Mr. or Mrs. Right isn't just stars, rockets and fireworks going off when you meet for the first time. When you "see by the Spirit" the kind of godly person God wants for you, you reorder and revise the culture's criteria for a mate.

What the world tells us to look for in a mate starts from the outside in:

1. appearance/attraction
2. education
3. wit and charm/first impression/talent
4. personality
5. a good job or earning potential
6. things in common
7. chemistry
8. common goals
9. having fun and being happy together

Now, all of these criteria are fine as byproducts of a relationship; but they do not form the foundation of a healthy, holy pre-marital connection.

1 Samuel 16:7 reveals, "For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." The Christian starts from the inside out; a Christian…

• Prays to envision who God wants instead of "who I want."
• Listens to the Holy Spirit — He reveals all truth.
• Knows it’s God's will for marriage and family to shape one's life.
• Associates with singles who follow Jesus—don't be unequally yoked!
• Looks first for character qualities not appearance qualities—the fruit of the Spirit will be evident in your future mate's character—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control

Does your future mate…

• Entrust and obey Jesus the Messiah as Lord and Savior?
• Set future goals set by biblical principles?
• Demonstrate spiritual discipline in biblical study, praying, giving, working, worshipping, meditating on God’s Word, making right decision, obeying Scriptural mandates, forming healthy, holy relationships?
• Have a track record of being a faithful, loyal friend with the heart of a servant?
• Submit to authority?
• Value covenant marriage and family?
• Work diligently with a desire to provide for one’s family and create wealth for generational blessing and advancing God's Kingdom?
• Love God passionately; love people sincerely?
• Uncovers in a future mate whether she or he has broken past bondages and curses.
• Understands how their parents relate to one another. "He will treat you the way his father treats his mother; she will treat you the way her mother treats her father." Remember the biblical law of generational blessings and curses. (Read Exodus 20.)
• Observes that he or she has an attractive appearance, that they take care of their physical temple.

引用自Harvest Times - Issue 33